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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
August 23, 2015
Lola Nidora and Hitler actually dated
This is just one time that I post about #AlDub, the phenomenal love team from Eat Bulaga. It is really funny and thought about sharing it with you.
Are these what's inside the stolen diary? Why do you think Lola Nidora prohibits Alden and Yaya Dub from seeing each other? LOL
January 20, 2011
watch TANGLED previews on January 24 and 25!
ohmskiJanuary 20, 20113d, animation, comedy, fairytale, funny, mandy moore, movies, tangled, walt disney, zachary levi
No comments
Walt Disney Pictures' “Tangled,” one of the most hilarious, hair-raising tales ever told, will have whole-day sneak previews on Monday and Tuesday, Jan. 24 & 25, at regular admission prices, in selected theaters everywhere.
In the film, when the kingdom’s most wanted—and most charming—bandit, Flynn Rider (voice of Zachary Levi), hides out in a mysterious tower, he’s taken hostage by Rapunzel (voice of Mandy Moore), a beautiful and feisty tower-bound teen with 70 feet of magical, golden hair. Flynn’s curious captor, who’s looking for her ticket out of the tower where she’s been locked away for years, strikes a deal with the handsome thief, and the unlikely duo sets off on an action-packed escapade, complete with a super-cop horse (named Maximus), an over-protective chameleon (named Pascal), and a gruff gang of pub thugs.
Says producer Roy Conli, “`Tangled' is a wonderful story of two people who don’t really know who they are yet, and in the course of the film, they both discover their destiny. We wanted to break some of the stereotypes that had been done before. Flynn is a guy who’s been there, done that, and seen it all. Rapunzel is a sheltered, naïve-but-smart girl who hasn’t been there, hasn’t done that, and hasn’t seen anything! He helps bring her to a place where she can see herself more clearly, and she helps bring him to a place where he can change some of the mistakes he’s made in life. Together, they fill in what’s missing in each other.”
“It looks like a classic Disney animated film, but it’s also in 3D CG animation,” adds John Lasseter, chief creative officer for Walt Disney and Pixar Animation Studios, “so it’s really unlike anything we’ve ever done before.”
Opening across the Philippines on Feb. 2 in Digital 3D and regular format, “Tangled” is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures International.



Opening across the Philippines on Feb. 2 in Digital 3D and regular format, “Tangled” is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures International.
August 19, 2010
VAMPIRES SUCK movie review
ohmskiAugust 19, 201020th century fox, edward cullen, funny, jacob black, movies, review, taylor lautner, twilight
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this movie is a good laugh exaggerating the character of Bella from Twilight who which is a little shy in the original story and all other details. the outward sarcasm of the movie made me laugh which i totally agree. why would a girl who is matured enough won't be able to fight for herself and depend on two clashing lovers just to escape from a hungry vampire? i think that's pretty stupid. but in irony, i love watching the Twilight series.


there's even special participations by Lady Gaga, Alice in Wonderland, Buffy and event Gossip Girl.
VAMPIRES SUCK opens on August 25 by 20th Century Fox distributed by Warner Bros.
July 23, 2010
VAMPIRES SUCK: opening soon
ohmskiJuly 23, 201020th century fox, breaking dawn, eclipse, funny, movies, new moon, trailer, twilight
No comments
in the tradition of movie spoofs, comes a new comedy about the stupid romantic illusion of a mortal between vampires and werewolves. LOL
At the heels of the phenomenal vampire tales come VAMPIRES SUCK, a parody of today’s hit teen flick from the outrageous minds of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (“Date Movie,” “Epic Movie”).
VAMPIRES SUCK pools together talented comics headed by Ken Jeong (“Hangover”) with Matt Latner, Jenn Proske and Chris Riggi. The movie bites when Becca (Proske) finds herself in the midst of vampire-human-wolf love triangle, taking her deeper into teen angst and romance as she decides between Edward Sullen (Latner) the vampire and Jacob (Riggi) the werewolf. In the midst of being torn and before she finally decides between Edward and Jacob, Becca must get around her controlling father who manages to embarrass her at all times. Thanks to her set of friends who make her feel normal while contending with their own teen romantic issues headed for a smash in their most awaited prom.

VAMPIRES SUCK opens very soon in theaters from 20th Century Fox to be distributed by Warner Bros.

VAMPIRES SUCK pools together talented comics headed by Ken Jeong (“Hangover”) with Matt Latner, Jenn Proske and Chris Riggi. The movie bites when Becca (Proske) finds herself in the midst of vampire-human-wolf love triangle, taking her deeper into teen angst and romance as she decides between Edward Sullen (Latner) the vampire and Jacob (Riggi) the werewolf. In the midst of being torn and before she finally decides between Edward and Jacob, Becca must get around her controlling father who manages to embarrass her at all times. Thanks to her set of friends who make her feel normal while contending with their own teen romantic issues headed for a smash in their most awaited prom.


July 5, 2010
SNEAK PEEK: “GROWN UPS”
Some guys need a little extra time to mature. In Columbia Pictures’ new comedy GROWN UPS, Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider play best friends when they were young kids and are now getting together with their families on the Fourth of July weekend for the first time in thirty years. Picking up where they left off, they discover that growing older doesn’t mean growing up.
The real-life chemistry between the actors translated seamlessly to the characters they play on screen. In fact, many of the stars of GROWN UPS have known each other for years. Rock says, “Most of the guys met at ‘Saturday Night Live.’ I met Adam doing stand-up 20 years ago easily at Comic Strip in New York . We just hit it off when we were the younger funnier guys in the club. Spade I met at ‘SNL.’ Schneider I met at ‘SNL.’”
Adam Sandler also wrote the script, an irresistible idea for the cast and crew. “Adam’s whole idea was that everyone would bring their families and we’d all have a nice summer at the lake house,” remembers director Dennis Dugan. “It was one of the best summers of my life. Because everyone knew everyone else so well, it was like going to a really great party. Adam really wanted that kind of atmosphere to come across in the movie.”
GROWN UPS also stars Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, and Maya Rudolph. The film is directed by Dennis Dugan, produced by Adam Sandler and Jack Giarraputo and written by Sandler & Fred Wolf.
Opening soon across the Philippines , GROWN UPS is distributed by Columbia Pictures, local office of Sony Pictures Releasing International. Visit www.Facebook.com/ColumbiaPicturesPH and like the fanpage to get the latest movie news, video clips and contests.

Adam Sandler also wrote the script, an irresistible idea for the cast and crew. “Adam’s whole idea was that everyone would bring their families and we’d all have a nice summer at the lake house,” remembers director Dennis Dugan. “It was one of the best summers of my life. Because everyone knew everyone else so well, it was like going to a really great party. Adam really wanted that kind of atmosphere to come across in the movie.”


May 22, 2010
SHREK FOREVER AFTER movie review
the final chapter in the hilarious fairytale adventure of an ogre in SHREK FOREVER AFTER will leave all fans to laughter.
SHREK FOREVER AFTER gives the story of Shrek who endured the routinary days of fatherhood and being the king of Far Far Away. more over, he had a quarrel with his wife Fiona and lost his temper during the 1st birthday celebration of his kids. with all the tension he had, he wished to have the time of his life, resulting to dealing with Rumpelstiltskin. unknowingly, this dwarf has been envy and following Shrek's life and now found an opportunity to take over the poor ogre's life.
thru a magical contract, Rumpelstiltskin has successfully took Shrek's life and ruled over Far Far Away. Shrek had realized he had been tricked by the dwarf and now Far Far Away is in total disaster. no one knows he existed, even his close friends, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Gingy and wife Fiona. to get things back to order, they figured out that True Love's Kiss should end the magic of everything and all will return as it had been.

SHREK FOREVER AFTER is a hilarious movie but i think the first three installments are funnier. you won't miss characters like Gingy, Puss and Donkey adding to the cuteness of Shrek's and Donkey's kids. i will surely miss this series. and you should have to check it on 3D.
SHREK FOREVER AFTER is released on May 21 by Dreamworks.

thru a magical contract, Rumpelstiltskin has successfully took Shrek's life and ruled over Far Far Away. Shrek had realized he had been tricked by the dwarf and now Far Far Away is in total disaster. no one knows he existed, even his close friends, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Gingy and wife Fiona. to get things back to order, they figured out that True Love's Kiss should end the magic of everything and all will return as it had been.


SHREK FOREVER AFTER is released on May 21 by Dreamworks.
April 16, 2010
KICK ASS movie review
Dave Lizewski was just an average geek until he had his "enlightening" to help others. he had his chance to help one but then he's got himself beaten up. with his striking costume and arms found on eBay, he had become famous online while he was able to kick some ass. thus the name, KICK ASS.
clueless, he had been monitored by both good and bad guys. the good guys were a father and daughter tandem, BIG DADDY and HIT GIRL who are armed with fighting skills and weapons which KICK ASS doesn't have. together, they fought against the wrongdoings of businessman and crime lord, Frank D'Amico.
there's a good balance of comedy and cool-action in this movie. but HIT GIRL really stole the show from KICK ASS! the little girl has got some skills crime busting and definitely blowing things off. she's no match with the goonies trying to eliminate them. i think the movie should be named after her.

you'll never get bored with this movie but this is not recommended for those below 13 y/o due to language and obscene elements that's why it's rated R-13. sorry kids.
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April 5, 2010
DATE NIGHT movie review
enjoy couplehood adding spice and thrill to your relationship as what the Fosters did on their DATE NIGHT. Phil (Steve Carell) and Claire Foster (Tina Fey) has put themselves to a lot of trouble when they intentionally claimed other people's restaurant reservation and dealt with the consequences of mistaken identity.
instead of fighting over, the two realized the strength of their marriage by helping each other. it may seem ridiculous at times, they continued to support each other during great trouble that they had.


having Steve Carell and Tina Fey in one production is like seeing another edition of Saturday Night Live - - couples edition. laugh your hearts out with witty relationship humor delivered in DATE NIGHT.
DATE NIGHT opens in the Philippines on April 9 2010 distributed by 20th Century Fox.





March 27, 2010
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID movie review
Greg Heffley thinks he is stuck with a bunch of morons in middle school. adding up his misfortunes with his brothers and adventures with his best friend, Rod. Greg tries to be cool making his ways to get famous and be included in the yearbook, but his best friend Rod sends him to very embarrassing situations making him uncool.
Rod may have brought him to shame and almost an outcast, Greg made himself humble and eat all negativity he said about Rod. he didn't even pushed himself to be included in the yearbook but thru Ron, he realized what he can be proud of not being somebody that he is not.
everybody might relate to this story as what they've experienced during middle school. cooties, bullies and other social nightmares one might encounter. but despite all of that, most of us can say, wow, i survived middle school and will be able to laugh out of it. we try to excel in one thing that we should be thankful that middle school became part of our life. it was a little taste of reality and that we should be able to stand on our own.


Diary of a Wimpy Kid opens in cinemas on April 3 from 20th Century Fox, distributed by Warner Bros. Philippines.

everybody might relate to this story as what they've experienced during middle school. cooties, bullies and other social nightmares one might encounter. but despite all of that, most of us can say, wow, i survived middle school and will be able to laugh out of it. we try to excel in one thing that we should be thankful that middle school became part of our life. it was a little taste of reality and that we should be able to stand on our own.



March 26, 2010
puppets also grow up on AVENUE Q!
at first i am thinking twice of watching Avenue Q. i just didn't bother to take interest of it and also watch clips of it on Youtube. Joriben, Iris and everybody else are buzzing on the latest run of Avenue Q here in Manila.
but last night, i was able to watch it. and it has changed my mind! the show was definitely hilarious. a glimpse to reality by a new Avenue Q resident, Princeton. at Avenue Q he finds his new neighbors although living a happy life, they also have gloomy concerns of their own. everybody resolves their own problem by helping each other realizing their purposes.
it is a funny adult-twist to Sesame Street addressing different adult issues. and with this run in Manila, you will definitely enjoy it for the portrayal of the cast. kudos to Felix Rivera, Rachel Alejandro, Frenchie Dy, Joel Trinidad, Calvin Millado, Thea Tadiar and Aiza Seguerra and the production team. it is a hard thing for three of the cast to do dual roles, it's like communicating with yourself.
I WANT ANOTHER RERUN! but for now, they have 4 more nights to perform so i hope you had your tickets to enjoy this great production.



it is a funny adult-twist to Sesame Street addressing different adult issues. and with this run in Manila, you will definitely enjoy it for the portrayal of the cast. kudos to Felix Rivera, Rachel Alejandro, Frenchie Dy, Joel Trinidad, Calvin Millado, Thea Tadiar and Aiza Seguerra and the production team. it is a hard thing for three of the cast to do dual roles, it's like communicating with yourself.
I WANT ANOTHER RERUN! but for now, they have 4 more nights to perform so i hope you had your tickets to enjoy this great production.


February 23, 2010
hilarious crime busting with COP OUT
ohmskiFebruary 23, 2010action, bruce willis, cop out, funny, movies, review, tracy morgan, warner bros
No comments

the movie was really funny especially Morgan. Morgan has a lot of laughing stints but i never thought that Bruce Willis could speak in black slang as he sometimes talk with Morgan. adding to Morgan's funny antics is Sean William Scott who happens to have stolen Willis' game card while trading it in a toy store. though there are not much action sequences but you'll enjoy the movie laughing and guessing ways on how Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan beat punky Latinos.


February 12, 2010
JUICY CAT DOLLS - No Preservatives Added

of course, each shone in their own way. Pilita Corrales displayed her white and slender legs matching with her undying voice. still embracing her title as Asia's Queen of Songs. Mitch Valdez had her stint as a mistress and addressed all ups and downs as "the other woman". and Nanette Inventor shared the statements of a fat woman struggling to be skinny to blend in with the public who sees beauty in those who starve themselves. the only thing disturbing is her dress, you'll know why when you watch it. Cynthia Patag also graced the show portraying a kuger and did a marvelous song number.
catch the Juicy Cat Dolls on the repeat show at ONSTAGE GREENBELT 1 on March 5, 2010 Friday and April 2010, 8:30pm. brought to us by MAXIMUSIC
September 2, 2009
Kimmy Dora now showing on SM Cinemas!

as the title suggests, the movie delivers the funny antics of Eugene Domingo. she plays Kimmy, the intelligent, beautiful, sexy and rich twin sister of Dora who is otherwise. Kimmy fights over the love of a resident hunk in their company named, Johnson, played by Dingdong Dantes, who gives his full attention to Dora.



watch the trailer and other clips with some downloadables of Kimmy Dora at www.kimmydora.com
February 18, 2009
mga lecheng pang-asar
1. On the first day of the Mango sale, the sister of my friend was looking around and picked up a dress when a woman at the counter started screaming,"Put that down, that's mine!" The sister of my friend looked up, looked at the woman up and down, raised an eyebrow, and replied, "Excuse me. You are NOT small'"
2. A supervisor once told a worker who has difficulty in understanding instructions, "Ang ulo, hindi lang yan pinapatong sa leeg, ginagamit din yan sa pagiisip."
3. A friend told another friend, "Naku, magme-makeup muna ako, baka magmukha akong yaya mo." The other friend replied, "Wag na, magmumukha ka lang yaya ko na naka-makeup."
4. I told my then boyfriend during a fight, "Even on your smartest day, you're not half as smart as I am on my dumbest!"
5. "Ako, I was born beautiful. Ikaw, you were just born."
6. A letter posted on a car windshield in UP: "Sir/madam, the parking space that we have reserved is for the College Secretary, not for you. Guard."
7. When I saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time, she told me, "Grabe, lalo ka pang tumaba!" So I told her, "Ikaw din, lalo ka pang pumangit!"
8. Pag sinisingitan ako sa pila, nagpaparinig ako. I say, "Ang pilang ito, according to beauty. Mga panget muna."
9. From the movie She's The Man: "Girls with an ass like mine don't go out with boys with a face like yours."
10. "Maliban sa mukha mo, ano pang problema mo?"
11. I once told an officemate who kept on bragging about
her new shoes, " Sale , right?"
12. I pointed a "7 items or less" sign to a clueless pasosyal at the supermarket. She bitchily answered, "I can read!" Sabay irap. So I shot back with, "I know, but can you count?"
13. "Tuwing nakikita kita, gusto ko mag-sorry sa eyes ko."
14. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bitchy.
It's an involuntary reaction whenever I encounter ugly people."
15. Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."
16. Man: "how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
17. After receiving her payslip and realizing how much she's paying for tax, a sosyal officemate exclaimed, "Ang mga poor ba nagbabayad din ng tax?"
18. During a hike at Mt. Mayon , we had a maarte companion.
When we ran out of water, our guide got us some from a natural spring. The maarte girl said, "Dini-drink ba yan?" I told her, "Bakit, sa inyo ba ang water chinu-chew?"
19. Overheard from 2 kids talking.
Kid 1: "Lahat tayo galing kay Adam and Eve."
Kid 2: "Hindi yan totoo. Sabi ng papa ko, galing tayo sa unggoy."
Kid 1: "Hindi natin pinag-uusapn ang pamilya mo, kaya
wag kang magulo!"
20. A friend told his officemate: "I'm impressed. I've never encountered such a small mind inside such a big head before."
21. Bading: (envying a girl na crush ng crush nya) "Isang butas lang ang lamang mo sa kin!"
22. I was staring at an ugly bystander in their street. The ugly guy snapped, "Bakit ang sama mo makatingin?" I snapped back, "Eh bakit ang sama mo tignan?"
23. A friend once told me, "Ang ganda mo!" I answered: "Thank you, sana ikaw rin."
24. I told this to an ex: "I must admit you brought
religion to my life. I never believed in hell till I met you."
25. "When a cashier tells me she doesn't have change, I say: "And... kaninong problema yun?"
26. "Kung lahat ng tao galing sa unggoy, bakit ikaw, mukha kang kabayo?
27. When a catty friend asked me, "ba't single ka pa?
Sabi ko. "Owenongayon?! Pakelam mo? Basta maganda ko! Pakelaman mo yang muka mo! Pa-Belo mo nga yan! Kung di mo afford, magtakip ka na lang ng belo. Bwahahahahahahah!!!!!"
28. Advice given to a “NBSB” (no BF since birth) friend who has set very high standards in finding a boyfriend; “Wag ka na masyado pumili ng pogi, hindi ka naman kagandahan.”
2. A supervisor once told a worker who has difficulty in understanding instructions, "Ang ulo, hindi lang yan pinapatong sa leeg, ginagamit din yan sa pagiisip."
3. A friend told another friend, "Naku, magme-makeup muna ako, baka magmukha akong yaya mo." The other friend replied, "Wag na, magmumukha ka lang yaya ko na naka-makeup."
4. I told my then boyfriend during a fight, "Even on your smartest day, you're not half as smart as I am on my dumbest!"
5. "Ako, I was born beautiful. Ikaw, you were just born."
6. A letter posted on a car windshield in UP: "Sir/madam, the parking space that we have reserved is for the College Secretary, not for you. Guard."
7. When I saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time, she told me, "Grabe, lalo ka pang tumaba!" So I told her, "Ikaw din, lalo ka pang pumangit!"
8. Pag sinisingitan ako sa pila, nagpaparinig ako. I say, "Ang pilang ito, according to beauty. Mga panget muna."
9. From the movie She's The Man: "Girls with an ass like mine don't go out with boys with a face like yours."
10. "Maliban sa mukha mo, ano pang problema mo?"
11. I once told an officemate who kept on bragging about
her new shoes, " Sale , right?"
12. I pointed a "7 items or less" sign to a clueless pasosyal at the supermarket. She bitchily answered, "I can read!" Sabay irap. So I shot back with, "I know, but can you count?"
13. "Tuwing nakikita kita, gusto ko mag-sorry sa eyes ko."
14. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bitchy.
It's an involuntary reaction whenever I encounter ugly people."
15. Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."
16. Man: "how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
17. After receiving her payslip and realizing how much she's paying for tax, a sosyal officemate exclaimed, "Ang mga poor ba nagbabayad din ng tax?"
18. During a hike at Mt. Mayon , we had a maarte companion.
When we ran out of water, our guide got us some from a natural spring. The maarte girl said, "Dini-drink ba yan?" I told her, "Bakit, sa inyo ba ang water chinu-chew?"
19. Overheard from 2 kids talking.
Kid 1: "Lahat tayo galing kay Adam and Eve."
Kid 2: "Hindi yan totoo. Sabi ng papa ko, galing tayo sa unggoy."
Kid 1: "Hindi natin pinag-uusapn ang pamilya mo, kaya
wag kang magulo!"
20. A friend told his officemate: "I'm impressed. I've never encountered such a small mind inside such a big head before."
21. Bading: (envying a girl na crush ng crush nya) "Isang butas lang ang lamang mo sa kin!"
22. I was staring at an ugly bystander in their street. The ugly guy snapped, "Bakit ang sama mo makatingin?" I snapped back, "Eh bakit ang sama mo tignan?"
23. A friend once told me, "Ang ganda mo!" I answered: "Thank you, sana ikaw rin."
24. I told this to an ex: "I must admit you brought
religion to my life. I never believed in hell till I met you."
25. "When a cashier tells me she doesn't have change, I say: "And... kaninong problema yun?"
26. "Kung lahat ng tao galing sa unggoy, bakit ikaw, mukha kang kabayo?
27. When a catty friend asked me, "ba't single ka pa?
Sabi ko. "Owenongayon?! Pakelam mo? Basta maganda ko! Pakelaman mo yang muka mo! Pa-Belo mo nga yan! Kung di mo afford, magtakip ka na lang ng belo. Bwahahahahahahah!!!!!"
28. Advice given to a “NBSB” (no BF since birth) friend who has set very high standards in finding a boyfriend; “Wag ka na masyado pumili ng pogi, hindi ka naman kagandahan.”
January 20, 2009
malurkei part 2!

release of the album is soon TBA. i remember i still haven't let them sign my first album.
November 17, 2008
susme, buhay pa pala 'to

NANAY: Anak, anu gusto mo maging paglaki mo?
INDAY: Oh my mom, I've got a plenty of dreams...
When I grow up, I wanna be famous,
I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies
When I grow up, I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies
NANAY: Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it
You just might get it, You just might get it
September 19, 2008
Ang liit na ng burger sa McDo

saka nga pala, ang ganda ng sounds. sana maglabas ang McDo ng CD na collection nila nun. kasi pagpasok namin Disturbia ni Rihanna ang tugtog. muntik na ako mapa-party sa loob. lol. tapos naging Chris Brown at yung mga sumunod hindi ko na alam, pero magaganda naman lahat. yung tipong may binebenta diba sa Starbucks na Bossa CD? sana may ganun din sa McDo.*
*as if naman bibili e hari nga ng download ang nagsulat ng post na to.
Powered by ScribeFire.
August 22, 2008
Plurk tayo!
i've just created my Plurk account yesterday and i realized that i got hooked now. i post shoutouts on real time and get replies on real time too. hmm, better than YM? i think not. but i can update my friends on my other sites.
one cute feature of Plurk is that it has this Filipino option where all other statements on the site go Tagalised. your profile and all content translates to our native language. speaking of profile, we know all the blah-blahs from your name, etc. and just like friendster, even your civil status. when i chose to Tagalise my profile, this came on:

bastus din tong Plurk na to a! OO na! NAG-IISA NA KUNG NAG-IISA! d naman ako malungkot! :P nakaka-Plurkey to!
one cute feature of Plurk is that it has this Filipino option where all other statements on the site go Tagalised. your profile and all content translates to our native language. speaking of profile, we know all the blah-blahs from your name, etc. and just like friendster, even your civil status. when i chose to Tagalise my profile, this came on:

bastus din tong Plurk na to a! OO na! NAG-IISA NA KUNG NAG-IISA! d naman ako malungkot! :P nakaka-Plurkey to!
July 25, 2008
a very geeky expression

WILL YOU PLEASE EVAPORATE?!
-- sasabihin mo sa tao kapag nairita ka sa kanya to put him off your sight.
PHOTO CREDIT: Unknown (thanks to the person for sharing this pic)
July 24, 2008
gusto mo mag-suicide?
suicidal, suicidal, when you say it's over....basahin mo yung Paboritong Libro ni Hudas. kaya mo bang gawin ang mga ito?
- sean kingston
TIPS SA TAMANG PAGSU-SUICIDE...
- Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan sa pagsu-suicide. Kung ang problema mo lamang ay dahil sa wala kang pera o iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, hindi ka dapat magpakatiwakal. Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin at ang pera ay pwede mong kitain, kaya hindi ka dapat mawalan ng pag-asa. Ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay ay KARAPATAN LAMANG ng mga taong gumagamit ng cellphone at nakikipagkwentuhan sa loob ng sinehan.
- Kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mong pagpapakamatay at sa tingin mo meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin ito, ang susunod mong hakbang ay ang pagpili ng PARAAN NG PAGPAPAKAMATAY. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbibigti, pag-inom ng lason, pagtalon sa riles ng tren, pagbaril sa ulo (o sa puso kung wala ka ng ulo pero buhay ka pa din) at paglaslas ng pulso. Ang mga jologs naman na paraan ay ang pagtalon sa EDSA at pagpigil ng hininga. Tandaan, maari kang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na HIYANG sa 'yo. Bukod dyan, marami rin sa mga paraang ito ang MAKALAT at NAKAKA-PANGIT. Dyahe naman kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao yung mukha mo sa ataul tapos mukha kang dehydrated na langaw.
- Sumulat ng suicide note. Ito ang exciting. Dito pwede mong sisihin lahat ng tao at wala silang magagawa. Sabihin mo na hindi mo gustong tapusin ang buhay mo kaso lang bad trip silang lahat. Pero wag din kakalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas cool pag ginawa ni Carlo J. Caparas ang buhay mo. At tandaan, IMPORTANTE ANG SUICIDE NOTE para malaman ng mga tao na nagpakamatay ka nga at hindi na-murder. Sa ganitong paraan, maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay bilang suspect.
- Pumili ng THEME SONG. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note. Ipagbilin ng pagtugtugin nito sa prusisyon ng iyong libing. IWASAN ang mga kanta ng Salbakuta. DAPAT MEDYO MELLOW at MEANINGFUL...tulad ng mga kanta ng Sexbomb.
- Isulat ng MAAYOS ang suicide note. PRINT. Iwasang magbura. Gumamit ng scented stationery at #1 Mongol pencil. Lagdaan. Wag gumamit ng sticker. Ilagay ang suicide note sa MADALING MAKITA. IDIKIT SA NOO.
- PLANUHIN ANG ISUSUOT. Tandaan, minsan ka lang mamamatay, kaya dapat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng mga telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan. Magbaon ng dalawang pares pampalit pag pinagpawisan ka.
- Kumuha ng de-kalidad na ataul. Maganda ang kulay puti dahil malamig at kumportable kahit tag-init. Huwag magtipid. Mas makakamura kung bibili ng cable ready kesa magpapalit pa balang araw.
- Pumili ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Ang puntod ng mga taong ipinanganak sa year of the rat, dragon, rabbit, snake, tiger, chicken, pork at beef ay dapat nakaharap sa Fiesta Carnival. Ang mga ipinanganak sa ibang taon ay dapat i-cremate at gawing foot powder para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.
- Itaon ang araw ng libing sa unang dalawang linggo ng buwan o di kaya'y huling dalawang linggo para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.
- Kung meron ka nang NBI at police clearance, affidavit of loss, voter's ID, promissory note, original copy of birth certificate, at urine sample, pwede mo nang isagawa ang kalugod-lugod na gawain
Sige! Gawin mo! Bahala Ka! Kaw din. Hindi naman buhay ko ang mawawala kungdi sayo. Kaw mag-isa ka lang sa kabilang buhay, kame marami dito at masayang-masaya at buhay na buhay! Kaya mo bang maglaslas ng pulso? MASAKIT YUN! Kaya mong magbigti? Mahirap huminga, masarap pa rin sa presko! Nyahahaha...